


Resignation

by gemhue



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 09:50:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7097599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemhue/pseuds/gemhue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A conversation between Rose and Pearl before Steven's birth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Resignation

**Author's Note:**

> i was gonna write a cute fic but then this happened

There was nothing left that she could do, and in all honesty, that made it just a little bit easier to bare. Rose had made her decision to die, or as she put it, to live on as some new being. Something with no memory of Pearl and none of the history they shared. Rose had offered plenty in terms of comfort and explanation but Pearl had heard none of it. Refused to. How could Rose think that any words would make up for the betrayal she intended?

It hurt in a way Pearl had never felt before. It was a seething anger and a bubbling rage in her head and in her stomach, but it just came out in pitiful sobs when Rose and the others weren’t there to hear. There was no sense to it, in Pearl’s eyes. Rose would give up everything, and for what? Some human that she had practically just met, as far as Pearl was concerned. Some hapless intruder with no idea of what he was getting himself involved in.

Rose was smarter than that, Pearl knew. So what was really going on? Had the war for Earth been harder on Rose than Pearl had realized? Could this be some form of self-punishment as retribution for the lives she couldn’t save? The war was so long ago now, but Pearl could still taste the fear in her throat and feel the panic in her lungs. It was probably just as fresh to Rose as the day she stood on that field in victory and despair.

Whatever the reason, Pearl knew that she wouldn’t be able to stop it. She could never go against Rose’s wishes, not even if it tore her up inside. Not even if it killed Rose. The thought gave Pearl pause, made her shaky breath stall for a moment.

Rose would die.

There was no axe that Pearl could throw herself in front of. There was no enemy that Pearl could defeat. There was just Rose, in all her blinding glory and gentle warmth. Rose, who had given Pearl the courage to break the chains that bound her and become a force to be reckoned with in her own right. Would Pearl still have that courage when Rose was gone? Or would it die with Rose?

“Pearl, would you please listen to me?” It was a deep voice that Pearl knew immediately. Of course she didn’t answer, simply turning a bit more in the other direction. Her shoulders were already stiff, but stiffened further when a large hand settled on one side. Pearl could feel the huge swell of Rose’s stomach brushing against her back. She felt resentment well up, but tried to force it back down in favor of looking more detached. She hoped Rose couldn’t feel her shaking slightly.

They were in Pearl’s room, of course. The soft roar of the fountains was comforting, but it was too easy for Rose and the others to slip in without being heard. A part of Pearl wanted to tell Rose to leave, that she didn’t want to talk, but another part reminded her that she didn’t have much time left before Rose would be gone forever. Pearl’s fists balled and she turned around abruptly.

She didn’t say anything. She didn’t look up. After a period of silence, Rose began, “I know that you’re angry with me. You have every right to be. It’s fine if you don’t want to speak to me, or see me, or hear me at all.” The voice didn’t waver or pause. Pearl wondered briefly if Rose had rehearsed this. “I need to ask you a favor, but it isn’t for me.” A pause there, but Pearl still refused to react. Rose sighed. “Steven will be here soon and I can’t be there for him. He’s going to need you, Pearl. I’m begging you, please be there for him.” The rest of the words came out in a rush and her voice cracked towards the end. Pearl’s heart broke for her.

“Rose…” Pearl said the name out loud for the first time in months, and looked up into Rose’s dark eyes, which brightened considerably when they met her own. “Do you even care about me at all?” The question seemed to shock Rose, if her hurt eyes and slightly parted lips were any indication. It shocked Pearl slightly too, as she hadn’t meant to say it quite like that. She pressed on anyway, “You know how I feel about you. I know you don’t feel the same for me, and I can live with that.” Pearl inhaled shakily, and her eyes darted away briefly to blink away the sting. She didn’t see the slight shake of Rose’s head. “But this?” Her voice was sharper now. “I thought, even if I wasn’t your whole world like you are mine, that you wouldn’t just throw me away like garbage! Has my loyalty and sacrifice meant nothing to you at all? I would die for you, Rose! Gladly! And you don’t give a shit!” Teal tears were streaming down Pearl’s face as she screamed, but her anger seemed to fizzle out abruptly, and her next words were murmured. “What does he have that I don’t? What does he do for you that I can’t? I just… I don’t understand. I thought I understood you once, but I guess I was wrong.” Rose’s fingers came up to wipe the tears from Pearl’s face with more gentleness than their size would suggest they possessed.

“I really am bad at the whole ‘understanding when I’ve upset my friends’ thing, aren’t I?” Rose gave a short, humorless laugh. “You know I’m not… good at recognizing emotions, even my own. I may not be like other quartz gems in many ways, but that is one trait that I’ve always struggled with. You’ve noticed that Amethyst is the same way, I’m sure.” Of course Pearl had noticed. Amethyst was young, but even for a young gem she had practically no filter. She had a habit of taking things too far and getting angry and defensive rather than apologizing. “I never intended to hurt you by falling in love with this planet, or humans, or Greg. All those things just… happened. And you’ve been with me through it all. I think that after so much time I started to take your presence for granted. You became like an extension of myself, so much more to me than a friend or an ally.” Large arms had circled Pearl at some point, without her noticing, and heavy pink curls tickled her face. How Rose could move her bulk with such fluidity, Pearl would never know. “That’s why… I don’t think I can apologize enough to you for putting up with me as much as you have. The thought that you’ve been hurting for so long without me realizing is unforgivable. I don’t deserve you, Pearl. I have never deserved you.” Even as she said it, her arms tightened around Pearl.

Instinctively, Pearl leaned into Rose, burying her face in the softness there. It wasn’t something that she could help. After all, Rose was her home, and the familiarity was too tempting to turn away. “I’m going to miss you so much. I don’t think I know how to live without you.” It was barely above a whisper, but in their closeness, Rose had no problem hearing.

“You’ll be fine. You’re my terrifying renegade Pearl; the strongest of the lot.” Pearl could tell that Rose was smiling, despite not being able to see her face. “Your strength and courage are your own. I only helped you along, as you helped me.”

“I still don’t understand why you’re doing this.” A trace of bitterness returned to Pearl’s voice, but she didn’t pull away from Rose.

Another sigh, as if Pearl was the one being unreasonable. “Honestly… I’m not sure that I could explain it myself. Just know that I’m trying to act in the best interest of both gems and humans.”

“You’re always so vague, Rose. What does that even mean? Have you not done enough for these ungrateful humans? You and I both killed countless of our own kind for them and this planet.” Pearl was even more confused now.

“That’s just it, Pearl,” Rose praised, but Pearl had no idea what Rose was referring to. “There has been so much death and violence by my hand. Although peace was all I wanted, I could never find a peaceful compromise between the needs of humans and the wants of gems. When Homeworld gems decide to come to Earth again, and they will come, the war will simply rage on once more. Except, this time, Homeworld stands a much better chance of overpowering us and taking everything we fought to preserve.”

“There is no compromise that Homeworld would accept.” It was ridiculous to even consider that such a thing was possible.

For some reason, that earned a loud snort from Rose, who giggled for a moment before agreeing, “No, perhaps not, but if there were, don’t you think this child of man and gem would have the best chance of finding one?”

Pearl just shook her head. Where Rose and Pearl’s stomachs brushed against each other, Pearl could feel the baby wriggling around and kicking. She hoped that Rose was not giving up her life for nothing.

No. Pearl would make sure that she wasn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry


End file.
